Viva Resistance!

My lazy butt finally watched the new episode of V just in time for tonight’s, and thankfully the show looks to be shaping up. Shaping up in that I wasn’t bored to death and shit actually happened! Good shit!

For one, Erica was attacked in her house by the lizard man who shot her friend, but she stabbed him and smashed his head with a frying pan. She then enlists the help of a terrorist in order to overthrow the V’s and lead a resistance. The V’s used their wacky futuristic technology to frame him for the warehouse explosion, so he’s kind of pissed about that. Oh, and Erica’s son Tyler is being brainwashed by Anna and her creepy blond daughter, because the daughter has some destiny to fulfill, and it probably involves Tyler’s nubile teen body.

Ryan, aka big black lizard renegade, is dealing with his girlfriend’s pregnancy. But the silly goose doesn’t know she’s pregnant with an ALIEN baby. So of course she finds it weird that at only six weeks she’s eating like a horse, feeling the baby kick, and has cravings for dead mice. Gross, yet awesome.

Anna is all pissy that Chad suggested the V’s were behind the warehouse explosion on the news, so she blackmails him with free health care into running a positive news story about the healing centers. And she also has his brain aneurysm cured, just like that. Anna also gets shit done by having weird ritual sex with the leader of her new army to take down the Fifth Column in order to give birth to warriors. Or something. In the end she bears some killer fangs and devours the poor guy who impregnated her. Yikes!

Best line of the night goes to Erica: “I don’t care whatt lines I cross in order to blast that bitch (Anna) out of the sky”

Pandora Out of The Box

Last night my living room experienced political upset in the form of Pandora’s elimination from RuPaul’s Drag Race. We have inevitably come to the portion of the competition where everyone is pretty awesome and whoever goes will be missed. Kind of. Over the past few weeks I have loved Tatiana and Raven. But lately Tatiana’s bratty charm has worn thin and her drag game has suffered. She should have been kicked off last week but for some reason she still remains to lip sync another day.

Raven on the other hand has been rocking it hard ever since she was in the bottom two twice in a row. Her hatred for Tatiana has gotten stronger with each week and it’s nothing short of great. She has quickly become my favorite with one exception: Jujubee. Jujubee is flat out the funniest one of the group and the drag persona is equally sassy and bitchy. Last night she looked her best with her shorter hair and giant zebra earrings, but sadly she chose some ugly short hair do for her drag mother and was placed in the bottom two. She lip synced, danced, and wowed the judges resulting in Pandora’s elimination and lots of tears. And I bet my bottom dollar either Jujubee or Raven wins the whole damn thing.

Oh yeah, and Tyra Sanchez still exists. Tyra falls under that category of awesome at what she does but is a terrible human being. I’m torn because she chooses great outfits and hair styles and has a lot of drag talent, but I just want that awful person off my screen pronto.

Telephone

A unicorn had sex with Jesus, resulting in the Lady Gaga featuring Beyonce music video for “Telephone.” I could go on and on about how much I love this video, but I’ll say two words: Pussy wagon.

Flash-tastic

So I finally got around to watching the newest episode of Flashforward, and boy howdy has the show made some stellar improvements. Not only did they explain a crap load of questions and plot points, and have a soaring body count, but the writing has gotten better! Did y’all hear me, the writing has gotten better! The episode also featured Billy from Ally McBeal. I hated Billy and the character of the religious zealot he portrayed, but it was a cool sighting nonetheless. And I am now officially crushing on Dominic Monaghan, because he kicked all kinds of ass in the 2 hour premiere all while wearing a trench that I coveted throughout. I have some raised hopes for this show, but my hopes for V still remain in the gutter. We’ll find out Thursday, when those wacky lizard super models return.

Sordid Lives

I have been glued to my DVR, but what else is new? This week Logo ran a mini marathon of Sordid Lives: The Series, and let me tell you, it is the most white trash fun you’ll have outside of an episode of Tool Academy. I have to admit, I have never seen the series before this marathon and never got to watch the movie, but the plot was easy to catch up on and the laughs come fast and furious so I didn’t feel left out one bit.

Let’s run down the cast, it is a gay boy’s dream. We have Olivia Newton-John, Rue Mclanahan, Bonnie Bedelia, Caroline Rhea, and that short man who played Karen’s nemesis on Will & Grace. Every episode I watched was filled with boozing, pill popping, cigarette smoking, adultery, and hair teased within an inch of its life. These women in small town Texas really do live sordid lives! Especially sordid is how far from grace old Rue has fallen since her 80s television hay day, but thems the breaks.

Even though the show only last a few seasons, Sordid Lives: The Series needs to be experienced. The plotting and pace of the show may be uneven, and there are definitely a few story lines featured that could be nixed, it is always funny and outrageous. I pray to deity that Logo either airs more episodes soon or it’s somewhere to be found on DVD.

I Love A Parade

I went to the St. Patrick’s Day parade in downtown Columbus yesterday. The weather was sunny and warm, and made better by the spirit of the day. Parades are excellent because all you do is stand there, get free candy, and hear marching bands and watch floats. I love parades but St. Patrick’s parade put my love for parade season in high gear. Now there are more to look forward to- Memorial Day, 4th of July, Pride, and whatever else I’m forgetting. I have no clue why I’m suddenly filled with all sorts of parade cheer, there must be something about a community uniting for something good instead of something tragic that sets my heart a flutter.

Loans

Yesterday a friend and I went to get coffee with another friend. When we got there the guy we were meeting already arrived and he was catching up with his childhood friend, Ron, whom he hadn’t seen in twenty years. Ron was in the military, air force branch or something like that. He had his 9 year old son with him as well, who was cute and nice, drinking a frozen mocha.

They were talking about many topics, and then schooling came up. Ron then asked where his son wanted to go to school, and my friend asked Texas? OSU? The kid didn’t know yet, because he’s 9. Ron looked at his son and said, “Your college is already paid for so go anywhere you want.” Damn G.I. bills! I instantly hated the 9 year old, and even more so later that evening as I was on the phone hounding college loan sharks for forbearance.

Wormy

The weather in Columbus this week has vastly improved from the snowy hell we’ve been enduring since January. Temperatures are climbing the mid-fifties, the sky is blue, sun is shining, and snow is melting. Being a white person, I of course busted out the flip flops as soon as conditions bettered. But one thing I neglected to consider about this glorious weather was the rain that would soon follow. And with the rain comes the worms. I have always hated worms, but this year my hate has become a full on phobia.

My first encounter was walking to my car after work last week. It was dark, had rained that day, and I of course was wearing flip flops. I happened to look down and in the shadows on the sidewalk I saw the horrible creatures. Different sizes, some wriggling around, and all that was separating them from my bare feet was a thin piece of rubber. I wanted to sprint to the car, but for fear of stepping on one, I walked cautiously, which only prolonged my agony. I also had to keep looking down so avoid them, meaning I saw every single one. I finally got to my car and hyperventilated.

A couple of nights ago I saw the nasty things again, this time I was walking to the beverage mart a few blocks from my apartment, once again wearing sandals. And once again I felt Indiana Jones in the snake pit. What’s worse about the worms is that in the shadows, everything looks like one, and the only way to tell the difference between a worm and a stick is to note which one moves. Very nauseating. Next time I’ll ride my bike to beverage mart.

Format Change

For all of the five people who sometimes read this blog, I am enacting changes to format. No longer can my humble little spot on the interwebs be sustained by television and movies alone. I am a busy boy, and sometimes the time to watch television and movies escapes me. What does not escape me however is actual life and my own opinions and experiences. So assuming anyone cares, categories have been nixed and narrowed down, and in conjunction with what I watch on television, I shall post about other crap too. Let’s see how this goes.

My Gossip Girl Wish List

Gossip Girl is finally back on Monday after what seems like a lifetime hiatus. So long in fact I barely remember where we left our spoiled Upper-East Siders. Oh yeah, Serena was ruining her life by screwing politicians and may have found her father. Lilly and Rufus found out the identity of their rock n roll love child and even met the kid, then everyone promptly forgot about him. Dan engaged in hideous three way sex with Hillary Duff and Vanessa. Thankfully H Duff is off, hopefully forever, and if there is a God Vanessa can go off into the sunset as well. Blair was whining about not being queen anymore, Jenny is dealing drugs, and Chuck’s mom may not really be dead. Nate is there somewhere, but he’s been off in his own bubble most of the time so who cares.

Sadly, the show this season has been uneven, if not still entertaining. I have complied my wish list for the rest of the season in hopes that I may not jump into the Hudson.

• Stop the whole Dan loves Vanessa, she doesn’t love him, will they ever get together nonsense. Let Dan just be single for a while and focus on his bad poetry.
• Chuck needs to be given more to do than just nap with Blair and buy and sell hotels. Sure, that stuff is cool, but where’s the bad ass scheming get shit done Chuck that we used to have?
• Get Rufus a hair cut.
• Blair can stay just the way she is. Except less bad wardrobe choices people.
• Oh Serena. Where do I begin? I wish you wouldn’t have done everything you’ve already done this season, so how about doing the exact opposite of everything you would normally do from now on. It kinda worked for George Costanza.
• No more guest stars or new characters. Hillary Duff was not good, bless her heart. The appearance by Tyra was lame, and sadly so was Lady Gaga’s appearance. None of that, just stick with the pretty rich kids we actually want to see.