My Gossip Girl Wish List

Gossip Girl is finally back on Monday after what seems like a lifetime hiatus. So long in fact I barely remember where we left our spoiled Upper-East Siders. Oh yeah, Serena was ruining her life by screwing politicians and may have found her father. Lilly and Rufus found out the identity of their rock n roll love child and even met the kid, then everyone promptly forgot about him. Dan engaged in hideous three way sex with Hillary Duff and Vanessa. Thankfully H Duff is off, hopefully forever, and if there is a God Vanessa can go off into the sunset as well. Blair was whining about not being queen anymore, Jenny is dealing drugs, and Chuck’s mom may not really be dead. Nate is there somewhere, but he’s been off in his own bubble most of the time so who cares.

Sadly, the show this season has been uneven, if not still entertaining. I have complied my wish list for the rest of the season in hopes that I may not jump into the Hudson.

• Stop the whole Dan loves Vanessa, she doesn’t love him, will they ever get together nonsense. Let Dan just be single for a while and focus on his bad poetry.
• Chuck needs to be given more to do than just nap with Blair and buy and sell hotels. Sure, that stuff is cool, but where’s the bad ass scheming get shit done Chuck that we used to have?
• Get Rufus a hair cut.
• Blair can stay just the way she is. Except less bad wardrobe choices people.
• Oh Serena. Where do I begin? I wish you wouldn’t have done everything you’ve already done this season, so how about doing the exact opposite of everything you would normally do from now on. It kinda worked for George Costanza.
• No more guest stars or new characters. Hillary Duff was not good, bless her heart. The appearance by Tyra was lame, and sadly so was Lady Gaga’s appearance. None of that, just stick with the pretty rich kids we actually want to see.

OMFinale.

Gossip Girl is getting the hell out of Dodge, at least until they return with new episodes next year. The finale was awesome and tugged at the ol’ heartstrings more than that Hallmark commercial where the little old lady doesn’t get any cards in the mail. What a sick world. Here are my personal favorite OMG moments from the epic finale.

1. The scene at the end with Blair and Chuck in the hospital. Blair informs Chuck that he is a better man than that douche of a father he had, and it was amazing. These two are so perfect for each other. And then Chuck sees his “dead” mom in the graveyard. Jigga-what?

2. Nate punches Trip right in his stupid mouth. Trip is such a prick, and he has the dumbest WASP name ever. Not that I’m a huge fan of Serena’s actions this season, but for reals, homey? You can’t promise to give everything up to a girl yet give nothing up to make your wife happy and keep your career, all the while expecting said girl to be strung along like everything is roses and sunshine. My head is spinning.

3. Jenny buys her friends matching YSL bags with her drug money. This was good because even though Jenny is a bitch on wheels, she still takes care of her minions. Wow, and I just defended Little J, which is saying something because normally I find her endlessly annoying. Now hopefully Eric and that round faced girl’s stupid plot to take down the queen is over. Eric needs blond hair again.

4. THE LETTER. It is making the rounds and destroying everyone’s life. Needless to say we won’t find out what actually went down between Lilly and Dr. Deadbeat Dad or what the letter actually says until months form now. But by the time its contents come spilling out Rufus may just be getting his swirl on with hot housewife from the tenants board. Meow.

5. Vanessa shoots down Dan’s profession of love. I still would like nothing more than to see Vanessa launched into outer space, but anything to keep these two from doing it on a weekly basis is okay by me. Here’s a thought Lonely Boy, why don’t you stay single and just hang out with Nate more? You seem to enjoy his company nowadays and isn’t that much better than running your hands through Vanessa’s whacked out weave and staring into her giant, soulless eyes?

One finale note, where in the world was Dorota? XOXO

Upper East Side Fashion Disaster

This season of Gossip Girl has had it’s share of hits and misses. Transitioning to college is a difficult job for any show to do. You have to figure out how to make the experience believable for television and keep the characters in contact with each other in order to make the plot lines move forward. But I have to ask, why do the outfits have to suffer? On Monday’s episode we were subjected to bad college theater, Hilary Duff trying to sing Lady Gaga, Vanessa in her underpants (blech!), and then a disappointingly short and choppy cameo of Lady Gaga herself singing (but Bad Romance is an awesome song). Even worse was Serena’s descent into the world of political sex scandal as she finally banged Congressman Ken Doll. And she did it in the worst outfit imaginable.

A backless, long sleeved number that clings in all the wrong places and makes her cleavage virtually unnoticeable. Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that Serena’s chest was popping? Adorning the top is a lovely chain link section of fence, fashioned into what looks like a very uncomfortable necklace. Holy hell, those look like shoulder pads. But wait, the horrors continue where she pairs this top with red tights that appear to have snake pattern on them. And the coat was a cropped pea coat number with actual coattails. Her hair wasn’t much better, pulled back in a tight twisted braid. Serena has amazing hair, let it flow and bounce, dammit! I never thought I’d see the day where Lady Gaga appeared on something in which she was best dressed. But props to Blair for pulling off the all black theater look.

Blair rules!

The Bitch Is Back

This week, Heather Locklear finally turns up on Melrose Place as the classic bitch Amanda Woodward. Hopefully it’s not a watered down role, much like this entire reboot has been.  From the previews it looks like she’s kicking some ass, mainly Ella’s. Here’s hoping Ella takes a page from Amanda’s book.

In the more immediate future, Lady Gaga is appearing on Gossip Girl Monday. I wonder what she’ll be wearing.

OMGG

Gossip Girl was over the top in terms of how bitchy everyone was, and I loved it. Fans of Firefly and Alias were also surprised when Gina Torres showed up as Vanessa’s college hating, progressive mother. Torres is a good thing, but I still hate Vanessa more and more each week.

You Know I Love It

Last night’s Gossip Girl was by far the best episode of the new season, in my humble opinion.  So much went down and it was juicy juicy.  Here’s a recap of all the scandalous happenings:

1. Blair and Chuck massage time! Blair was awesome and bitchy to Bree and Chuck was dastardly and scheming what with arranging for Carter to be taken care of, so to speak.  God I love these two. They’re like a modern day Nick and Nora.

2. Georgina was up to the usual by being evil and controlling Vanessa and spilling the secret bastard child news.  Minus ten points for her hair style at the wedding though.

3. Rufus and Lilly got married after making vows of love and sexiness and then bond with their new found son.  Between the two of them they instantly have enough children to start a traveling band. Hello plot line for sweeps!

4. Serena was pretty, Jenny still looks like a punk rock Muppet, and Eric needs blond hair again. Dorota even got to wear a dress and floppy hat.  She’s so pretty when she doesn’t have to wear the maid’s uniform.

All in all, a pretty titillating episode.  Tune in next week to see high stakes poker with human lives on the line, and CHUCK MAKES OUT WITH A BOY.

Shark Infested Plot Lines

Gossip Girl. I’ve watched from day one, and while you’ve had your flaws, you’ve always been a well written, nicely acted, interesting and pretty drama.  You even started out on the right foot despite sending the cast off to college.  But lately I’ve been having some complaints.

Last week between the silly auction plot line, Blair’s bad hair, Serena’s ugly whore dress and practically no Nate eye candy, I wasn’t too thrilled.  But still, I watched this week hoping things would improve.  They did, but not so much.  There is chum in the water, I see sharks, and you have jumped over them.  What more can I say about an episode that features Hilary Duff acting like a dumber version of Hannah Montana and Tyra’s frazzled weave trying to show character depth? Also, I know Chase Crawford needs acting lessons, but he is still the prettiest one in the bunch. Show him off!

There were parts of this episode I enjoyed.  Chuck calling out Blair and telling her to start growing up? Awesome.  Jenny showing some actual development by trying to vanquish the social order at Constance? Nice, even though it failed.  I even liked Serena’s over sized blazers and Blair looks beautiful! But please, lets get rid of the dumb stunt casting and focus on the scandal, back stabbing, lies, and indie music.

Two rocky episodes do not mean that this season cannot become better and more enjoyable.  Next week looks like it’s a return to dramatic form with Rufus and Lilly’s impending nuptials, Georgina’s evil scheming, and more of Blair’s pretty curly hair.  I’m still gonna watch you, show, but please get better fast.  You know I love it.